In loving memory of Joy Nesamoney

My mother Joy Nesamoney (“Mummy” to us, her kids) was 78 years old when she passed away peacefully on Monday the 17th, of January 2022. 

Born in Munnar, Kerala amongst the beautiful green rolling hills dotted with tea estates that at that time were owned by the British,  Mummy grew up exposed to western culture as a child. Her dad was a “teamaker” – a name for someone who tastes and grades tea.   Despite growing in a well to do family, as was tradition in India at that time with girls, she did not get a chance to go to college and instead was married off to my dad at the age of 17. 

After the family migrated to Africa in 1966, she decided she was not going just stay at home and be just a wife and mom, but decided to educate herself in English, Typewriting and Home Studies.  She earned two diplomas – Fellow of The British Society of Commerce and Fellow of The British Society of Commerce Teachers. She went on to get a job as a teacher in Zambia and excelled at her work becoming an earner for the family.  She had an artistic side to her too and started doing Typewriter art, which uses a typewriter’s characters as dots to create works of art.  She created a picture of Zambia’s then President – Kenneth Kaunda, which was so realistic that she was invited to personally present it to him and was given an award for her work.

Through this experience she quickly learned the value of education and insisted that her 3 boys get the best possible education and decided in 1978 that that education would not be possible in Nigeria where we lived and decided to move to India with the 3 of us kids. She dedicated her life to our education and spent all her time ensuring we got the best education possible in India.

She was so determined to get us a good education that she even borrowed money from a friend to pay for my college fees so I could go to a private engineering college (BITS) instead of a government college. I owe so much of my success to her sacrifice and foresight.

While in India Mummy would cook some of the most amazing and delicious meals for us, I used to hang out with her in the kitchen, watching how she ground spices each day fresh and made everything meticulously from scratch. Pretty soon I became her helper and learned to cook, something I am passionate about to this day.  When I left India for the US, I asked her to write down all her recipes and to this day, cook using her recipes and have created a food and cooking website with her recipes www.towerofspice.com.  The day before she died, I was in our kitchen making Okra curry using her handwritten recipe on my phone and remember thinking I should call her to get her pork curry recipe, the next morning when I got the news of her passing, it made me cry. I wish I had called her for that recipe.

After coming back to India, she decided just going back to being a Mom was not using all of her talents and also that not being an earner in a household meant a complete lack of independence.  She decided to put her artistic side to work and started making beautiful flower arrangements with silk flowers.  She made money by placing her arrangements in various offices in Chennai and would go out each day in an Autorickshaw to deliver them.  She also designed and made her own costume jewelry.  Sadly, in India this did not earn her respect but a lot of ridicule and abuse as she was chastised about not being a “good wife” and staying home to cook and take care of her kids.  She was ridiculed not just by strangers but even some of her own family.

Life was tough as she endured a separation from my dad and taking care of Jaiross Mangesh my younger brother who then passed away in 2008 at the young age of 42.  Mangesh had severe mental health issues and had a very troubled life which suddenly and violently ended one night.  Mummy was deeply affected by his death and spiraled into a level of sadness that was hard for us all to watch. No parent can ever fathom their child dying before them.

Shunned by many in Indian society who felt she was not “normal” and did not fit in the mold of an Indian housewife, she decided she should spend more of her time helping the poor and downtrodden people in Chennai, she would provide comfort and solace to many poor women who were abused by their in-laws, husband, or others, often abandoned by their families.  She was dearly loved by them, and many attended her funeral despite COVID to show their love for her, many crying by her coffin. One even brought some biscuits that she knew Mummy loved to her coffin and sang a song that Mummy had written in praise of God.

After a lifetime seeking the love of others, Mummy realized that the only person that truly loved her was Jesus and so she dedicated the rest of her life to Him and spent the rest of her life in prayer and worship to Him.  In a sense she followed the footsteps of her dad, who left his teamaker job and decided to become a preacher and raised enough money to build a church, he then dedicated the rest of his life to spreading the word of God.

Mummy’s health declined significantly after Mangesh’s passing away, she shunned every material thing and despite her declining health clung to Jesus all day, singing and happy despite everything she had endured. Every time I spoke to her about her health or expressed my concern, she always said “Jesus will take care of me” and never seemed worried about her own well-being.   Mummy had Asthma and high BP and also had issues with her legs where she couldn’t walk easily – the latter was the hardest for her because she couldn’t continue with her flower arrangements work and working with the poor.

She kept her health issues to herself because she didn’t want us to worry or try and take care of her, she believed that God would.  In November 2021 she fell very ill with high BP and was in the ICU for a few days, as she was recovering in a nursing home, it was clear she really wanted to go home was determined to pass away peacefully at home.

Mummy passed away the night of January 17th, 2022, in her own home in her own bed, the way she always wanted it.  She was buried in the same tomb as Mangesh, she is now with him and with God, where she always wanted to be.  She is smiling down at the world knowingly and asking us all to remember that there is no true love in this world better than the love of Jesus.

May her soul rest in perfect peace.